So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
