He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
