Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Someone came in the potted fern
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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