I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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