"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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