I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
