four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
