my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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