How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
