Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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