i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
