so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
