do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
