Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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