Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
