All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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