Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
