You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
