you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
