I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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