i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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