guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
