Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
