Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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