I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
