He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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