a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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