My first STD was from a foam party
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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