so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
What a dumb baby whore.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
