I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
