"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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