Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
