is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
