i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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