You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
