Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
we should paint friendship bongs
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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