he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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