I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
