fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
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