Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
