oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
