I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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