just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
