It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
