non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
