just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
