the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
tequila makes me forget i have legs
it's great music for shaving your balls
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
