Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
