I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
