i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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