don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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