what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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